Conquering the past

I haven't had much time to write since we moved back to Europe in August. At first, I needed to recharge my batteries and spent long weeks at the seaside. Then I had to help those I care for to adjust. And finally, I'm at the stage where it seems I have to conquer my past. It feels quite strange, like I've never been away from here... but I'm a stranger. Things I've forgotten, years that seem to have disappeared, friends which are no more around, yet the buildings and the trees are the same... It's such a surreal feeling. I've always believed moving backwards is a huge mistake but this time I don't feel like I'm moving, I'm an icicle waiting to fall but spring is far.

Meanwhile, as each time I'm back in Europe, my suitcases remain packed and the longing to travel doesn't let me sleep. I didn't go to Prague because my favourite team didn't qualify for the finals and the travelling plans were cancelled. This only led to even worse travelling obssession. LOL I literally can't stay here. I know all these lovely places are just an hour flight away and I hardly manage to keep myself at place. But I'm totally planning London for Christmas just because to me Christmas is London, don't ask me why. Each fall I start thinking "London-Christmas" like I have this chip in my head that is programmed to turn on at this time of the year and it has only one program installed. :)

However, I don't really see in my mind all those glorius London lights and the crowded streets... No, I see this quiet, unusually snowy picture, the empty street and the dim street lights... May be I'll hear the steps of a late walker or the distant laugh of a couple going back home after seeing this fabulous new play... May be the wreath on someone's door will fall and the decorations will spill on the snow and spark like jewels. Or I'll go to my hotel without seeing and hearing anything and will paint and write till the morning takes away the mistery of the holiday night. May be.



*Photo courtesy of GemBem75