First of all, congrats to Catherine and William, I think they make a marvelous couple. In fact, I'm surprising myself being so nice to any wedding couple as I'm rarely touched by weddings but these two look so charming. The woman is beautiful, the man looks reliable, hope they will really make it work!
However, my thoughts were straying a different path tonight as I was watching (late as usual) the coverage. Have you noticed how closely related are waiting and happy (or looking so) marriages in this family? Camilla waited, Kate waited, even Prince Harry's on and off so called girlfriend seems to have got it right... Looks like it doesn't work just like met-dated-married. It needs drama. Big scale. Break ups. Divorces. Hidden agenda. Secret randevouz... Royal men come to those who wait, um?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Spring cleaning
I've been doing my spring cleaning these days. Internal mostly, yet there was quite a bit of throwing away material stuff too. It's good. I feel lighter. I also moved all my stories to their own home. Tomorrow I'll move my four bags and my son to another home too. It's amazing how little space my life takes these days - four bags and a box. It's even more impressive how full my heart feels. I'm scared but I'm empowered. I have all the love in the world. :)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Unlimited dreams and Be Careful What You Wish For
There are two concepts in the whole this positive thinking thing that I truly can not stand, both described below.
1. What prevents you from achieving your dreams? - You.
Each time I see this and I feel like howling. Because it shows the desire to make money riding the popular wave and the lack of understanding how this energy we all create interacts as well as a complete lack of compassion. This, of course, is my personal opinion and I'm not an expert in modern psychology but I've tried numerous technics, I've failed and won, and I think there is much more to know than just "go for it".
Let's get an example - Mery lives in the small town A where there is the company B where there is one job Mery desires more than anything else - let's say it's the Marketing Manager job. Mery does all she could to get the job - she uses all her resources to be properly educated, looks for help, even takes courses to be aware of the newest tendencies in the marketing field, etc. Mery also practises positive thinking and visualization, she has a treasure map, makes rituals, follows the moon, etc. Now, let's imagine what happens if John next door desires the same job and does the same things. And this is not difficult to imagine because in real world for such a position the competition won't be between two but between twenty at least and more probably two hundred. And considering how widely popular positive thinking is, I bet at least half of these folks will try it any time to get the dream job.
Clearly, there is absolutely no way Mery and John will get the job they want. It's one. Is anyone wrong? I don't think so but we must remain realistic while following our dreams in order to prevent ourselves from being badly hurt. There are those who will say it's all for the better and it may be in the long term but at this particular moment either Mery or John will feel smashed. There is no way around this. Yes, positive thinking will help to stand up and move on, and that's why I'm such a firm believer in the benefits of it but it's just not fair to tell people the only reason their dream hasn't come true is "you". We live amidst constant exchange of energy, thoughts, desires, dreams, etc. And while it doesn't matter in the universal plan, it does matter when there is one prize and two or more competitors.
I can also talk a lot about all the writers in the world who dream and work very hard and it just doesn't happen, and that's all. Some of them spend tons of money on writing classes, editing services... And no, and no, and no. Who is to blame? If there are 2000 manuscripts published annually and ten times more submitted, naturally there is no way all will get published. And I don't believe it's because 198 000 weren't bold enough or weren't dreaming hard enough, or weren't positive. May be 2/3 of them weren't but the rest were believers. Me among them.
It's also about the realization that at one point the harsh truth must be faced. Lets' say I've been writing since grade two, I won my first award in grade three, I continued being praised in the university, I studied literature but for some reason I haven't made it to publishing for... let's say five years. At this point I personally would accept the thought that this particular novel/collection or whatever it is, won't make it. It is also possible I'd be wrong and I'd miss a chance. Perseverance is very important. But, on the other hand, the outer life goes on, it's not all happening in the little writer's space.
It takes time - the writing, the editing, the research, the browsing for agents and publishers, the reading of their blogs, the editing again, the re-writing, the submitting again... It takes even more time to stand up each time and go on, emotionally. What happens meanwhile? With the people around us, with the loved ones, with the job, with the bills??? I couldn't make it, may be it's only me but I wouldn't compromise the time with my son, for example, for endless submissions and editing. Now, there are those "favorite" agents and publishers of mine who will respond "lack of determination" and it explains why they are my "favorite". ;) On the other side are authors like Rebecca Woodhead (I wrote a post about her last year) who pursue the goal at all cost, including hunger. Here I couldn't compete either because any thought that I could leave the house without heat or proper food and my child will suffer my literary ambitions throws me in depression. If I were alone, may be but rather "no" because then I'd feel dependent and it would throw me in another depression. LOL
And again, it's all about the individual situation, there is no universal truth. Sometimes the dream is just not the right one at the right time. It is still possible to achieve it after pushing it all and to the end but I'm not sure it should take such sacrifices. In fact, I'm pretty sure it shouldn't. If it doesn't happen with joy, if it doesn't feel like a game, then something is wrong and out of balance.
2. Be Careful What You Wish For
The stupidest, most limiting thing ever said. I always feel inclined to ask "Why?" Why should I be careful? Is my wishing star going to get exhausted? Her battery will be down? Or do I only have a certain number of wishes allowed for this lifetime? And it's even more annoying that it contains a hint of a threat. It sounds like "Be careful or..." What? It takes me back to the time when I was a child and we were raised with this idiotic belief that all we get has to be paid for. So, we grew up as cowards. We had to start learning to wish again when we became adults which, of course, is far more difficult as the damage has already been done and is deeply rooted.
The truth is, if we believe in the abundance of the Universe (and I do because the Universe is energy and as we very well know matter doesn't really exist, it's all miniature parts interacting with each other), then there is no problem at all to wish as often and as much as our heart desires. because if we believe in this abundance, it literally means we can replace each unsuccessful wish with a new one and that's all. If I wanted a white Mercedes but realized it wasn't looking that well when I got it, I just wish for a red one and trust. Right? What is there to be careful about?
Oh, may be they meant relationships? But there are about 50% divorces around the western world with or without careful wishing. And it's not a tragedy to dedicate too much thinking to it, from my point of view. We must learn to let go - wishes, cars, people. Only clinging creates fear because it kills trust and faith. Trust your inner voice and the powers inside you.
After all, the worst possible scenario, like in the example with Mery and John, is to not get the wish. In which case you would have only wasted precious time thinking again and again "carefully" if it's a wise thing to wish for or not. In the best case scenario, you get what you want, you are happy and it's time to set new goals, to dream new dreams, in which case any further "careful thinking" would be again a waste of precious time. Or, as the saying implies, you get the thing/person, you find out it's not the best for you and you move on, learning to deal with your own mind, ideally learning to let go too. All positives here. ;))
1. What prevents you from achieving your dreams? - You.
Each time I see this and I feel like howling. Because it shows the desire to make money riding the popular wave and the lack of understanding how this energy we all create interacts as well as a complete lack of compassion. This, of course, is my personal opinion and I'm not an expert in modern psychology but I've tried numerous technics, I've failed and won, and I think there is much more to know than just "go for it".
Let's get an example - Mery lives in the small town A where there is the company B where there is one job Mery desires more than anything else - let's say it's the Marketing Manager job. Mery does all she could to get the job - she uses all her resources to be properly educated, looks for help, even takes courses to be aware of the newest tendencies in the marketing field, etc. Mery also practises positive thinking and visualization, she has a treasure map, makes rituals, follows the moon, etc. Now, let's imagine what happens if John next door desires the same job and does the same things. And this is not difficult to imagine because in real world for such a position the competition won't be between two but between twenty at least and more probably two hundred. And considering how widely popular positive thinking is, I bet at least half of these folks will try it any time to get the dream job.
Clearly, there is absolutely no way Mery and John will get the job they want. It's one. Is anyone wrong? I don't think so but we must remain realistic while following our dreams in order to prevent ourselves from being badly hurt. There are those who will say it's all for the better and it may be in the long term but at this particular moment either Mery or John will feel smashed. There is no way around this. Yes, positive thinking will help to stand up and move on, and that's why I'm such a firm believer in the benefits of it but it's just not fair to tell people the only reason their dream hasn't come true is "you". We live amidst constant exchange of energy, thoughts, desires, dreams, etc. And while it doesn't matter in the universal plan, it does matter when there is one prize and two or more competitors.
I can also talk a lot about all the writers in the world who dream and work very hard and it just doesn't happen, and that's all. Some of them spend tons of money on writing classes, editing services... And no, and no, and no. Who is to blame? If there are 2000 manuscripts published annually and ten times more submitted, naturally there is no way all will get published. And I don't believe it's because 198 000 weren't bold enough or weren't dreaming hard enough, or weren't positive. May be 2/3 of them weren't but the rest were believers. Me among them.
It's also about the realization that at one point the harsh truth must be faced. Lets' say I've been writing since grade two, I won my first award in grade three, I continued being praised in the university, I studied literature but for some reason I haven't made it to publishing for... let's say five years. At this point I personally would accept the thought that this particular novel/collection or whatever it is, won't make it. It is also possible I'd be wrong and I'd miss a chance. Perseverance is very important. But, on the other hand, the outer life goes on, it's not all happening in the little writer's space.
It takes time - the writing, the editing, the research, the browsing for agents and publishers, the reading of their blogs, the editing again, the re-writing, the submitting again... It takes even more time to stand up each time and go on, emotionally. What happens meanwhile? With the people around us, with the loved ones, with the job, with the bills??? I couldn't make it, may be it's only me but I wouldn't compromise the time with my son, for example, for endless submissions and editing. Now, there are those "favorite" agents and publishers of mine who will respond "lack of determination" and it explains why they are my "favorite". ;) On the other side are authors like Rebecca Woodhead (I wrote a post about her last year) who pursue the goal at all cost, including hunger. Here I couldn't compete either because any thought that I could leave the house without heat or proper food and my child will suffer my literary ambitions throws me in depression. If I were alone, may be but rather "no" because then I'd feel dependent and it would throw me in another depression. LOL
And again, it's all about the individual situation, there is no universal truth. Sometimes the dream is just not the right one at the right time. It is still possible to achieve it after pushing it all and to the end but I'm not sure it should take such sacrifices. In fact, I'm pretty sure it shouldn't. If it doesn't happen with joy, if it doesn't feel like a game, then something is wrong and out of balance.
2. Be Careful What You Wish For
The stupidest, most limiting thing ever said. I always feel inclined to ask "Why?" Why should I be careful? Is my wishing star going to get exhausted? Her battery will be down? Or do I only have a certain number of wishes allowed for this lifetime? And it's even more annoying that it contains a hint of a threat. It sounds like "Be careful or..." What? It takes me back to the time when I was a child and we were raised with this idiotic belief that all we get has to be paid for. So, we grew up as cowards. We had to start learning to wish again when we became adults which, of course, is far more difficult as the damage has already been done and is deeply rooted.
The truth is, if we believe in the abundance of the Universe (and I do because the Universe is energy and as we very well know matter doesn't really exist, it's all miniature parts interacting with each other), then there is no problem at all to wish as often and as much as our heart desires. because if we believe in this abundance, it literally means we can replace each unsuccessful wish with a new one and that's all. If I wanted a white Mercedes but realized it wasn't looking that well when I got it, I just wish for a red one and trust. Right? What is there to be careful about?
Oh, may be they meant relationships? But there are about 50% divorces around the western world with or without careful wishing. And it's not a tragedy to dedicate too much thinking to it, from my point of view. We must learn to let go - wishes, cars, people. Only clinging creates fear because it kills trust and faith. Trust your inner voice and the powers inside you.
After all, the worst possible scenario, like in the example with Mery and John, is to not get the wish. In which case you would have only wasted precious time thinking again and again "carefully" if it's a wise thing to wish for or not. In the best case scenario, you get what you want, you are happy and it's time to set new goals, to dream new dreams, in which case any further "careful thinking" would be again a waste of precious time. Or, as the saying implies, you get the thing/person, you find out it's not the best for you and you move on, learning to deal with your own mind, ideally learning to let go too. All positives here. ;))
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Lazy lovers or lovers of laziness?
This is going to be about synchronicity - those hints and signs, the mysterious repetitions, the unlooked for messages that sometimes pop up just to mirror our thoughts, desires, dreams. I can't say I'm very good in catching them all but this time I got it.
As each year, as each spring, with the first warm sun rays, I start thinking Provence. No surprise here. It's my personal, my very own heaven. My heart, my dream, my skin and my breath. My never experienced in full love, my never satisfied desire because I always want more of it. And as I was falling again in my Provencal dream, a friend of mine, who lives far from here and from Provence, sent me an e-mail telling me he fell in love with - attention! - Provence and he planted Provencal plants in his garden to remind him of the place. I thought "funny" and went on. On the next day, cleaning my closets (I'm moving), I found a book I had no idea I possessed - Vineyards of South France. Ta-daam. Today, I was driving when I heard this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZVWD8Iy09w .
I know for many the song has nothing to do with the place discussed but I'll tell you how I feel. I'm thinking... sun... an orange, huge, naked sun; impossibly intense blue sky; hot air burning my lungs while my bare feet walk the velvety surface of a grass so green that my eyes hurt; whispering sea down under the rocks, I can catch a glimpse from here; iron gate crying quietly when the steps approach; cedars glued in an eternal hug; shadows dancing under the crowns of centuries old trees, hiding my pebbled terrace from everyone; grey iron chairs, the paint flaking, the patina betraying the age; flowers, waterfalls of flowers flowing from the pots, touching the ground, spreading on the mossy stones... I'm thinking perfume and a white shirt under the trees... A hammock... A panama hat thrown carelessly in the stony fountain... Flowery skirt spread on the grass, a glass of wine spilled in the water, a cup with cherries and the juice on the white shirt... Were we lazy lovers? Did we miss something succumbing to the laziness of a heavy afternoon turning into purple dusk while the valley was shaking under the sounds of music and crowds were fighting to get a spot on a fashionable beach? I don't know. But I'd do it again, same way, same time, no second thoughts, no regrets. Lazy lovers is not that bad actually. Not in Provence of mine. :)
What I'm trying to say is: effort is not always necessary. Being active and proactive is not always best. In our world where everything seems to be so fast that we miss at least half of it, we must sometimes stop. Just halt. Breathe. Smell. Listen. Sense. Let it flow through you, feel it. The life. The love. The whatever makes you smile. Surrender to the timelessness because time was invented by us, humans, in a desperate attempt to categorize something that exists far beyond the limits of our imagination. There is no need to constantly pursue something. Love especially. Be lazy, love it. :)
P.S. Just opened the blog list to check the blogs I follow. Guess what was the first title I saw? "Sweet lovers". :o It's working, I'm telling you. :) We are more powerful than we realize. And I'm glad to know it. I'm actually so grateful to know it! Because it means my next vacation will be right there, above the sea, on the rocks, behind the iron gate. And my garden will be full of friends, flowers, kids, laughter, and who knows...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Job ads - a world of their own
It's been a while since I wanted to post my most "favorite" pearls found in job ads but now the time has come. LOL
A "sexy", "sassy", "edgy" or similar company "looking for YOU!" - no, thanks. I'm old fashioned, prefer not so daring companies.
"9 to 5-ers need not to apply" - this is the one thing that will always and forever prevent me from applying for sure. I've been tempted a number of times to respond with "9 to 5-ers don't call me at all". My most favorite is when an employer thinks I'm creative 24/7, my child never gets sick and I am made of iron too. So, so favorite.
"Are you the one?" - well, sure, I've been a number of times for different people.
H-i-l-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.
A "sexy", "sassy", "edgy" or similar company "looking for YOU!" - no, thanks. I'm old fashioned, prefer not so daring companies.
"9 to 5-ers need not to apply" - this is the one thing that will always and forever prevent me from applying for sure. I've been tempted a number of times to respond with "9 to 5-ers don't call me at all". My most favorite is when an employer thinks I'm creative 24/7, my child never gets sick and I am made of iron too. So, so favorite.
"Are you the one?" - well, sure, I've been a number of times for different people.
H-i-l-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Single, yet married moms - the invisibles
It all started with this article: http://www.lilithgallery.com/articles/canada/2006/Singles-Mothers-Barely-Getting-By.html It's quite old already but let me tell you, things are not better today. Those women are at the edge of society, the invisibles, the marginals. They don't get child support because they are technically not divorced, and even if they were, the missing husbands wouldn't be any source of money. In addition, the lack of any legal separation puts these moms out of the social benefits system. They are everywhere. They work for no money at unbelievably nasty places, suffering humiliation and living in constant fear. They can't go to the shelters either because, in case you don't know, shelters have the habit of being full. Even if they, oh miracle!, are not full, they often require proof of abuse. Like if one is not beaten on a daily basis, they don't deserve a roof. Or a bed. Or food.
The system is not working. Clearly. It's simple. Why am I writing all this? First, because I am myself a single mom and I, for example, can not rent a proper place because I happen to not get a weekly pay stub. Therefore, I'm also some kind of marginal character, hanging between the skies and earth. A kite may be? Second, because I've tried to raise awareness of this issue for years and believe me, no one has ever cared. Third, because I've tried to raise money for housing and the "lack of non profit experience" in my CV seems more important to the big rich institutions than my desire to help.
Last but not least, because I have this big dream to win the jackpot of the lottery and to buy houses where these women would have a nice own place to stay at minimum rent. I would also love to give them the opportunity to work for I believe making own money boosts the self confidence. I wish to change lives. I also wish those who have the money stop travelling the world raising awareness of troubled places at the other end of the globe and first take a good close look around themselves. I wish Angelina Jolie gives away her French chateau and uses the rent to buy such houses. I wish Johnny Depp doesn't buy vineyards but shelters. And so on. And yes, it's good they give to charity (something) but let's agree twenty million for a movie is quite inappropriate in the light of the situation, no?
Or I simply wish to get the 50 million from LottoMAX and do it all myself.
The system is not working. Clearly. It's simple. Why am I writing all this? First, because I am myself a single mom and I, for example, can not rent a proper place because I happen to not get a weekly pay stub. Therefore, I'm also some kind of marginal character, hanging between the skies and earth. A kite may be? Second, because I've tried to raise awareness of this issue for years and believe me, no one has ever cared. Third, because I've tried to raise money for housing and the "lack of non profit experience" in my CV seems more important to the big rich institutions than my desire to help.
Last but not least, because I have this big dream to win the jackpot of the lottery and to buy houses where these women would have a nice own place to stay at minimum rent. I would also love to give them the opportunity to work for I believe making own money boosts the self confidence. I wish to change lives. I also wish those who have the money stop travelling the world raising awareness of troubled places at the other end of the globe and first take a good close look around themselves. I wish Angelina Jolie gives away her French chateau and uses the rent to buy such houses. I wish Johnny Depp doesn't buy vineyards but shelters. And so on. And yes, it's good they give to charity (something) but let's agree twenty million for a movie is quite inappropriate in the light of the situation, no?
Or I simply wish to get the 50 million from LottoMAX and do it all myself.
Monday, April 4, 2011
A bit of astrology - Neptune in Pisces
I found a nice article about Neptune's visit in Pisces on one of my favorite astrology sites/blogs: http://theastrologyroom.com/guides/neptune-in-pisces-what-will-it-mean
*All photos courtesy of NASA.
I especially like this part:
"The erotic, glamorous, and romantic will find new expression as we idealise the elusive and poetic, what is suggested or glimpsed or hinted at......we will crave a sense of intimate mystery in everything. This is part of the rejection of Big Brother cctv and internet surveillance that is brewing and growing during this period."
I so much hope for less Big Brother, thanks to whom I don't own a TV anymore - a good thing actually, and more of the good old magic of movies and glamorous sights... The hinted, not the thrown in our faces. The elegance, not the screaming extravagance. The subtle touch of something extraordinary, not the pinch in our heart. The whisper of a kiss before it's become a history of a failed date. The lingering, not the orgasm. The anticipation, not the act of possession.
As about the romantic, I don't think Neptune's influence is healthy for Scorpios, but it's already hit me hard, as probably obvious from above. LOL And do I love it!
Isn't he gorgeous? Glamorous? Massive? That's Mr. Big. Wow.
I especially like this part:
"The erotic, glamorous, and romantic will find new expression as we idealise the elusive and poetic, what is suggested or glimpsed or hinted at......we will crave a sense of intimate mystery in everything. This is part of the rejection of Big Brother cctv and internet surveillance that is brewing and growing during this period."
I so much hope for less Big Brother, thanks to whom I don't own a TV anymore - a good thing actually, and more of the good old magic of movies and glamorous sights... The hinted, not the thrown in our faces. The elegance, not the screaming extravagance. The subtle touch of something extraordinary, not the pinch in our heart. The whisper of a kiss before it's become a history of a failed date. The lingering, not the orgasm. The anticipation, not the act of possession.
As about the romantic, I don't think Neptune's influence is healthy for Scorpios, but it's already hit me hard, as probably obvious from above. LOL And do I love it!
Friday, April 1, 2011
The smudge stage
Ever been there? The smudge stage is when you feel precisely like that. A smashed, drying in the cold sun, possibly stinky, little smudgy thing. You may even be as happy as being smeared on God's sole. Still, the stinkiness and the dryness will remain the same, regardless whose foot did the job.
Smudge is not to be confused with any stains. Stains have history, who, when, how... Smudge is an enigma. Smudge doesn't even know if it exists or if it's an illusion, a blurry sight at the end of a difficult day. Stain allows cleaning. Smudge avoids touching.
It's when there is no sadness because all feelings have evaporated. No passion because the vital juices have been thoroughly drained. No power because the smashing has been performed rightly and took a long time. Each drop of life has been squeezed out, each dream - torn apart. With scaring attention to detail, the foot has turned, twisted, pressed, taken a step back, checked and pressed again. There has been a kind of sadistic pleasure. There has even been a spark of creativity at one point. After all, draining vital juices is a serious business and takes more than physical strength.
What happens next is the question that bothers me... Does the smudge suck up the smasher's own life and continue its smudgy march? Or does it turn into one of those black holes in the space, a piece of emptiness in time? None of these suits me. I'll wait and see if my dryness allows me.
It's such a cheap paradox to write this on April Fool's. Lying has so much to do with the smudge stage... And when is a lie fun, and when is a lie - murder?
Smudge is not to be confused with any stains. Stains have history, who, when, how... Smudge is an enigma. Smudge doesn't even know if it exists or if it's an illusion, a blurry sight at the end of a difficult day. Stain allows cleaning. Smudge avoids touching.
It's when there is no sadness because all feelings have evaporated. No passion because the vital juices have been thoroughly drained. No power because the smashing has been performed rightly and took a long time. Each drop of life has been squeezed out, each dream - torn apart. With scaring attention to detail, the foot has turned, twisted, pressed, taken a step back, checked and pressed again. There has been a kind of sadistic pleasure. There has even been a spark of creativity at one point. After all, draining vital juices is a serious business and takes more than physical strength.
What happens next is the question that bothers me... Does the smudge suck up the smasher's own life and continue its smudgy march? Or does it turn into one of those black holes in the space, a piece of emptiness in time? None of these suits me. I'll wait and see if my dryness allows me.
It's such a cheap paradox to write this on April Fool's. Lying has so much to do with the smudge stage... And when is a lie fun, and when is a lie - murder?
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