Birthday countdown and Saturn in Scorpio

Here it is, another birthday post. LOL This time it's mine though. Exactly one month left. It's been a strange year... Quite fast overall. A roller coaster sometimes. Insecure, risky, exciting, disturbing. Funnily, nothing major truly happened but the restless feeling was there all the time. It felt like I was watching a giant puzzle being arranged around me and many people coming, going, doing things or not doing them, talking, running, moving, and I was somewhere on the side but I could sense the speed of it all. No one knows where it leads, of course. I'm yet to dig in my own Solar Return for next year.

More important, I'll be in Pisa for my birthday, planning some good time and I definitely need to change the environment for a while. Presents will be received at my current address, please. Boxes with ticking mechanisms inside and bottles with suspicious content will not be opened. LOL Letters and birthday cards are welcome! (why don't people write any of these anymore?)

On to the more serious stuff. (so to speak :)))) Many of us will host Saturn on our Sun next month, returning after almost 30 years. I'll be among the first. As soon as he enters Scorpio he will make his presence known as my Sun is at 3 Scorpio conjunct Uranus. What to expect? Responsibility and structure. As Darwin once said:

"Nature is calling a siren song and not to answer is not to belong."

Those of you who will have an aspect between Saturn and Moon or Venus may very well hear this song pretty loud. The urge to take a step further in personal life may become hard to resist. Saturn is a strong guardian and if you follow this urge and his advice, you may find yourself in a completely new stage of your life but it should be good for you. If you have an aspect Saturn/Moon or Saturn/Venus in your natal in a sign where it will be aspected, this will be true for you too as transiting Saturn will unlock it.

However, if he aspects a planet like Uranus in your chart, like he does in mine, what will most probably happen is an earthquake. Uranus will not tolerate the discipline Saturn requires and these two will clash severely. Because Saturn's lessons are a must, it's a good idea for all of us to try and channel Uranus's rebellious energy in something else, like sport or art, or anything that will allow Saturn to do his job without the need to beat us on the heads.

As about Saturn on our Scorpio Sun, first of all, this is going to be long, so get ready. He will turn retrograde and come back, and then cross over again. Check what natal aspects you have between Saturn and your Sun as this will give you a clue if you are prepared for this test. I have a square in my natal and I'm pretty much aware of how this energy works. I've also had enough time to learn to deal with it. What it has brought me in the past were new responsibilities, both professional and personal. It wasn't bad! On the contrary, it was related to wishes fulfilled and many things happened exactly as I wanted them to be. Don't forget squares are not only friction, they bring resolutions to problems too. Chances are, if you have a square, opposition or conjunction between Saturn and Sun in your natal, you will do fine with this transit as well. If you have soft aspects, then you may need to work harder and learn how to find solutions for your problems.

Finally, check in which house Saturn will hit your Scorpio Sun, or Moon, or Venus, or Mars. For me it will be the 9th and I've already found travelling becoming more difficult, obstacles appearing but when I persuade, it all works out. That's Saturn - he will put obstacles in the way to check if we really want this and if we keep pushing, he will let us pass. The 9th is also about further education, distant travel, second marriage, contracts, publishing, planning, moving, etc. All related to broadening our life in every possible way. Explore which house will be affected in your chart and stay positive because this should bring rewards!

Child & Il Divo

That's my killing combo today. It's my son's first day in child care here and instead of biting my nails at home, wondering how he'll do and in what language he will communicate, I'm sitting here, in the empty hall, checking my cell phone every two minutes if the teachers have called me to pick him up already and watching how the stage builders are trying to break the equipment. One of those days when all around is irritating. Everyone is going out of their way to do everything in the wrong way. On top of that, I woke up at 4 a.m. while I'll have to be awake till no one knows when to see all the stuff cleared from here and gone. I wish the end of the day will be more cheerful than the beginning.

Ah, so it was! Glorious evening. We were stuffed up to the last row on the balcony. I'm feeling good. We did well. :) In fact, we were so damn good and we knew it. LOL Fantastic job by everyone and great performance by the guys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1eH1u7D214
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7sIHcZejBE

Happy Birthday, Matey!

OK, I know this starts looking like a "Happy Birthday" blog but I couldn't and I wouldn't miss the opportunity to congratulate my most favorite volleyball player of all times! A fantastic player, a great person, it's been a pleasure to know him and to watch him! This is a tribute to Matey Kaziyski, an amazing athlete and a decent man. Featuring videos by our great Slaveya Kotova.

The Emperor of world volleyball: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRbP9RfC878
Kaiser Kaziyski http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R36SVkXJ7Qg&feature=plcp

So many nicknames for only one existing word: talent.

I'm sorry I'll have to miss the Trentino game on the 25th of October as I had to change my plans and will arrive in Italy a day later but in November we'll definitely be there to watch some beautiful volleyball. :)

And as far as I'm concerned, which is a lot, if it takes a revolution, then let it be a revolution but Matey will be back in the national team even if it means the whole board will be out. And we won't miss them, by the way. We haven't given up and the war is yet to begin. This was just practice till now. ;)

The best of Matey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DheXFcQLNUk

I wish him strength to remain who he is and a glorious year ahead. Because he deserves it.

Happy Autumn!

Here she is. Golden and still warm. We're having a beautiful first autumn day here, the sun is bright, the skies are this deep blue one can see only in fall, and life looks just good. For no particular reason. :) I chose Robert Louis Stevenson for today and his "Autumn Fires" because what is coming our way is going to be an autumn to remember. Fiery for sure, deep, emotional, there will be ground shaking and hearts breaking. One thing we won't lack will be excitement.

Autumn Fires

Robert Louis Stevenson

In the other gardens And all up the vale, From the autumn bonfires See the smoke trail! Pleasant summer over And all the summer flowers, The red fire blazes, The gray smoke towers. Sing a song of seasons! Something bright in all! Flowers in the summer, Fires in the fall!

Italian adventure part 2

Looks like my Italian (mis)adventure may turn into an adventure, after all. :)) The credit card company went out of its way to issue a new card and send it overseas on time which was fantastic. The flight carrier, however, went out of its way to make my life difficult. This is the first and last time I fly low cost, I promise. I don't even know why I decided to try this. With all the taxes I'll have to pay for changing my reservation, I'd have successfully bought two tickets at regular price from any carrier around Europe. But... It's a done deal. Adding the distance I'll have to drive from Forli to Pisa and back, the problems with booking a child safety seat and the fact that I have absolutely no idea of the road... Typical. Very typical of me. :))))

Anyways, birthday in Italy is in the cooking. Pinocchio Park as well. Also, Butterfly House, the town of Luca and some coast driving. My friend told me the beaches will be empty at this time of the year which is great. I love autumn beaches. A bit more than a month left and counting. :) I only recommend checking twice before you decide to book a low cost flight. It may end up as a very high cost one.

Tough love?

Yesterday I received this (published with the consent of the author):
"What to do when he is aggressive?"

I am by no means an expert on relationships, there are tons of such people out there, so you may consider going to a specialist because, as far as I know this - being in such a relationship, may be a sign of deeper problems and some of them may be long "forgotten". The only thing I can say and is true for me is: With the right person you're happy. With all others you're strong.

This I know from personal experience. As soon as the "be strong" chord breaks in, the best way is out. It doesn't even need to be aggression which is a very serious issue. Anything that makes me feel like I need to be strong, is actually pulling me out. Because I don't want to be strong, I want to relax and be happy. As simple as that. We make it complicated coming up with thousands of excuses to stay in while it's actually very, very simple. Happy - yes or no? There is no middle way here. I also don't believe in relationship wisdom preaching of constant compromising, being rational and so on. This may be someone other's way and that's fine if it makes them happy but I don't believe it. Love, or at least my love, is never rational nor do I want it to be such. Love is above and beyond any rational thoughts. Love and dreams have much in common for they both break rules. And rules were created by people, don't forget that. Trust yourself, listen to your heart and follow. You may, and inevitably will, fall a couple of times. May be even a few. May be more. You will be hurt. But then you will stand up, I promise. We've all been wounded. This, however, should strenghten your faith in yourself, not weaken it. You are beautiful and strong, and you deserve the best. Don't be afraid to dream! Dare. Make it big and take a leap of faith. Only we see our dreams as "big" or "small". Those who sign the papers up there don't care at all if you're dreaming big or small. To them it's all relative. Time, space, differences. It's all created by us but it exists only here. Its power is limited. Yours is not. Let your hair loose and get wild. :)

A man who is strong enough to hit you is not strong enough to caress you. That's it.

Love yourself and all will work out miraculously. Promise. :) 

OK, it seems it's one of those nights when I get what I need via quite unexpected sources. LOL Music, that is. Music for manifestation. :) So... As you dream big and let your inner self celebrate You, why not get a drink and just dance... Forget all around. It's a New Moon night, guys. All is possible and sky is the limit. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co5gaJjTZkY Don't push too hard, don't cling. Just indulge in your own dream. Feel it. 

By the way, in accordance with the song. I've been invited to particpate in a ball. It's not my first time, it's a charity initiative but last time I was part of it was many years ago before I moved to Canada. Guess it's time to dust my dancing shoes which I hung up on the nail then. Or, even better, take my old favorite satin ballet shoes out of their box... And hope for a better partner this time. LOL

Side by Side - not on our side

... of the border, that is. I was checking the movie blog: http://sidebysidethemovie.com/blog/ and it looks like I'll have to catch the plane to USA to watch the movie. That's certainly an interesting approach but it somehow looks a bit overwhelming to me. LOL Could it be possible, and I know everything is possible :))))), to present the movie at some other European festivals? I can think of at least two straight away. And the countries are worth visiting. :)))))

Meanwhile, I've been following TIFF closely and I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna miss next year's festival. Next fall - Toronto, hi again, long time no see. :)))))

But while I'm still here - upcoming Il Divo performance. Yummy. Being an event organizer is not that bad actually. :)))

* I'm editing this post to let you know that Side by Side will open this festival in November: http://www.pluscamerimage.pl/pc2010.php?dzial=102378 . Meaning that if you have a way to reach this city (because from where I am it's pretty much impossible), you can see the movie as well. :) The friend of mine who sent me this says it's a so-so town, some architecture to consider and not much else to do. But if you're going for the festival, you'll be fine. :) On the other side are the totally ridiculous flights to get you there but you may be lucky to catch Ryanair, I guess, if they fly from your city. Because if you have to use LOT, as I'd have to, you're not only going to pay a fortune for four hours in air but will have to wait at the airport as much as I usually wait on a transatlantic flight. Brrr. Good luck if you decide to go.

(I can't help but wonder why do they choose such spots for these festivals? Is it to encourage the audiences to rediscover trans-border bycicling? "Getting there" should always be a major consideration when organizing an event. But what do I know about it. Of all major European cities and festivals, this one... I mean, I'm sure it's great and they have a history with this festival which is touching, but since there are so few showings of the movie in Europe announced, and no one knows if there will be more, at least one of them could be somewhere where we, those who live in major cities and have no connection to minor such by air, can arrive without sleeping at the airport to catch a half-an-hour flight to the countryside. That's plain silly.)

Autumn and Paul Verlaine

There is nothing better on a golden autumn afternoon than picnic and reading. I did both today. :) Greetings with one of my favorite poets - Paul Verlaine, and his "Nevermore".

Nevermore

(Poèmes Saturniens: Mélancholia II)

Memory, memory, what do you want of me? Autumn
Makes the thrush fly through colourless air,
And the sun casts its monotonous glare
On the yellowing woods where the north winds hum.

We were alone, and walking in dream,

She and I, hair and thoughts wind-blown.
Then, turning her troubling gaze on me,
‘Your loveliest day?’ in her voice of fine gold,

Her voice, with its angel’s tone, fresh, vibrant, sweet.

I gave her my answer, a smile so discreet,
And kissed her white hand with devotion.

– Ah! The first flowers, what a fragrance they have!

And how charming the murmured emotion
Of a first ‘yes’ let slip from lips that we love!

 

 

This website has a wonderful selection of his poems translated in English: http://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/French/Verlaine.htm

Events - an aging story

Event management certainly starts to lose its charm after ten or more years of doing it. In the beginning, especialy if one is lucky to start with talents like Brown, Sting and Paco de Lucia, it's all absolutely fantastic. Working behind the stage of such performances is a dream come true if you're not into the outer glamour but like to know the inner dynamics and how the whole mechanism works, where the lights are and why, what the floor is made of and why and so on. Which has always been fascinating to me and I learned all I could learn in about four years. But from then on, it starts to go down. Neither the lights nor the floor materials develop that fast and chances are in, let's say, five years of constant work you will know all that could be known about this whole show that is actually a fantasy behind which many people push many buttons.

Then come your other priorities and you start wondering how to accommodate a child in a 16-18 hours working day. Because when a group is on tour the stage has to be cleared past performance, so the trucks with the equipment can start their journey to the next city. And sometimes the elevator breaks. Or the driver is absent. or one of them. Or all of them went to a bar. Or the equipment is so much that the dawn rises prior to loading it all. Then you go home and your husband (if you have one) looks quite hostile. If you don't have a husband, your child throws stuff at you. Nope, not a good thing.

Or you just have a day like the one I had today when you're re-reading this almost 100-page contract and every ten pages or so you are kindly reminded the water must be San Pellegrino! With exclamation marks. Many times, many marks. I swear, I'm on the verge to throw it in the garbage. On the other hand, can't help but laugh. What would happen if they stop making San Pellegrino? No star, no event. LOL

But, of course, there are enough talented people with whom it's a pleasure to work. Although, I'd rather prefer to organize my best friend's wedding which she's been awaiting for nearly five years... Time wasted. And she'll definitely have no requirements what brand of water I'll provide. But she may make my life tough regarding the wine... No way to avoid pain in this profession, I guess.

Italian (mis)adventure

Looks like September will be turbulent. I had planned a trip at the end of October to celebrate my birthday in Italy and take my son to a couple of theme parks he'd love. This was before I learned my credit card had been involved in a fraud attempt (!). Naturally, I had to find out this in the middle of the night having a quite troublesome conversation with a lady back there in Canada where my card was issued. Now, I have a blocked card, a no-one-knows-when new one to be issued and a cancelled trip because both the hotels and, most important, the rental car can not be booked without it. More so, they can't be paid with a friend's card or anything similar, it must be the driver's card. Great.

However, you may like to go sometime. It's a wonderful trip towards Lago di Garda, the "city with painted walls" Trento, the Pinocchio theme park close to Pisa and the Butterfly House which is next to the Pinocchio park. :)

http://www.gardalake.it/
http://www.visitgarda.com/en/garda_lake/
http://www.visittrentino.it/en
http://www.pinocchio.it/eng/pinocchio/
http://www.pinocchio.it/eng/butterflyhouse/

I wish you have none of my experiences on the way there. :) I'm so... disappointed and I really don't want to face the conversation with my son.

On the wrong path. Or may be not.

I've written many times about fear. It's present in almost all my stories because I meet it on a daily basis. Last night, which marked the end of my summer vacation and the "get back to normal" moment, I was having drinks with my best friend who has been in a tricky relationship for over four years now. On and off, not going anywhere really... She had to give this speech on "what if I am alone for the rest of my life" to defend her choice to not risk it and get out of this... I didn't really try to argue with her again because I've figured out she doesn't want to be reminded there may be other options out there. She truly wants to stay where she is and spend the days hoping. Hope is good. Hope is powerful. It's a flame that never really dies. I also hope someone will cross her path and take her on a completely different journey. But it makes me sad that she gave up dreaming. On the other hand, my dreaming has taken me on a wrong path again, so who am I to preach about it? Stumbling is not the greatest way to walk. But I can't help it. I do dream. And as years pass, my dreams tend to become bigger and even more difficult to turn into reality. Or so it seems from where I stand now...

It's complicated because on one hand, growing old brings wisdom and inevitably makes it easier to be who we really are. Meaning, if I like someone now, I have no problem saying so. Self-confidence at this point of life doesn't depend on others' approval anymore. On the other hand, time brings a bit of pessimism because I can look back and see what has materialized and what hasn't... Overall... I'm a lucky person, I should say. Much has become a reality. But now... I have absolutely no idea how things are going to work out. I made a wrong choice. I turned in the wrong direction. I put myself in a place where I'm thousands of kilometres and a day of life time away from my dream. Time and space are relative but from this living room here they look like a mountain that blocks my vision ahead. If it's insurmountable, I don't know. How long it would take to climb it, I don't know. And most important, I don't know why I always have to choose the hardest to achieve. Why, why, why...

But I'm not afraid which was the theme of our conversation yesterday. I don't understand why she is afraid. We've known each other for 13 years and I still don't get it. I read the cards for her last night and reminded her part of the description of the Page of Wands: "Inner fire that can drive away fear and replace it with fury." That inner fire may very well be her hope but I somehow think what is needed is something warmer, even hotter. Something that shakens our whole life and existence when we see it, think of it... Like I woke up this morning and in my mind this song was playing... A song related to my dream. And another day starts when I have to run errands, take care of my son, smile, talk, meet, greet... While on the inside I feel like burning. If there is really a mirror somewhere up there that reflects our thoughts... then I may be on the right path after all... regardless how it seems to me now. It may be the longer and more difficult one but no one ever promised me it would be easy.

I think I'm on my way to a new story... It's somewhere in my head. A bit blurry still but taking shape. A story about the wrong paths. Or the "wrong" paths.