When fate pushes us

Sometimes we prefer to ignore the signs and silence our intuition. That's how I moved to a place I hate and suppressed my anger, and tried really hard to pretend it was OK. Yet, fate found another way to push me in a different direction - men tried to break in in my home tonight. I was, of course, alone with my son. I will tell you that my laptop (lid closed) started playing music only ten minutes before I heard the noise downstairs. I am grateful for my angels protecting me and my child, for giving me the time to call 911 and collect myself enough to look after the little one while wondering what's going to happen if the door finally gives in. I'm also grateful to the policemen considering I'm alone with a toddler and coming super quickly. But at the end of the whole story, besides thanking to all my gods, faeries, spirits and so on, I finally have to realize next slap may be brutal. The choice is surely mine - wait and risk to see what will happen if I stay or grab my stuff and fly away. I think I must choose the second option. For my own sake and for the sake of my child. Sometimes it's so difficult to leave our past, isn't it? Even when it stinks.

Those grey days when...

...when we walk away and what remains is a question mark... I learned to breathe. I won't say I don't care, I won't lie. But with the time I learned to protect myself and my child from the pain. Not always possible, not entirely so, not as well as I'd wish to. Some days, like today, I'm facing the evening with fear. How will I explain to him, what will I say, how do I interpret the adults' selfishness to a two-year old... How do I translate the lack of love... Sometimes like today I feel I'm a bad mother for not providing my child with the best environment at any cost... Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow I'll be challenged by little chores and everyday life... And again... To answer all those questions he will ask. Find the appropriate answers without knowing what "appropriate" means these days. But any time, any day, I'm staying here with him. And when I'm frightened or sad, I tell myself there is something big in the works for us. Because the Wheel keeps turning. Nothing is forever. Even the bad. This too shall pass. :)

Ah, and I started a new book... called "Winners". Because, you know, I must believe we are winners indeed. :)

Virus week

Yep, unfortunately it's been a week to catch any passing virus, including the nasty stomach one who made me look like a model in no time but also affected badly my already skinny toddler too! Now I'm facing the challenge of feeding him better than ever, promoting a business, developing a business, working my day job, and last but not least - studying for exams... When does a modern woman get a break? How do you do it ladies?

I've always admired women who manage to have family time, a career or their own business, and time for themselves as well. I constantly feel like losing it. Somewhere between the healthy meals that require regular shopping for fresh food, the maintenace of a website, the tweeting/blogging/reading/following, playing and enjoying family, etc., I get lost. One of these always has to be sacrificed in my messy everyday life. Today it was the studying that had to be neglected, so I can sit here and have a nice little writing session. :)

Still, I have some interesting links for today. As you know, I get the Forbes newsletter and I always follow their Life section with interest. I found out that they have extensive archive and here is Forbes' Destination Of the Week for the past few years: http://search.forbes.com/search/storyTypeSearch?storyType=Destination+Of+The+Week

And here is another of my favourites - Elite Wine, Food and Travel magazine: http://www.elitewinefoodtravel.com/magazine/

I have always found particular meals remind me of places I have visited, and it is not mandatory that the meal originated from the place. Sometimes the association is unclear even to me. It's like perfumes which I smell on the street and turn immediately because my brain has connected the aroma with a powerful memory of a person, occasion, event. I find this beautiful. And because I'm thinking of the sea these days, and my feet can almost feel the tender sand, I made fish, potatoes sote and a big salad for supper. The white wine is cooling down in the fridge. I guess it's time to cool down the "little grey cells" too. :)

On child care

For those of you who, just like me, have to look for a child care, check this article: http://www.zerotothree.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ter_key_childcare_selectcc

This is one of the websites I have used extensively while I was raising my baby and one of the best sources of updated and friendly written information on everything baby related - food, toys, etc. I was lucky to find a child care which absolutely meets my requirements following the advices of these guys! A big thank you to them.

By the way, do you often travel with your babies or do you prefer to leave them with someone else? My baby started travelling when he was six months old, he was exposed to the beauty of Provence first (naturally!), then kept travelling with me. I can't even imagine a trip without him now! I need his presence like I need the smell of herbs in the summer mornings.